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Interview with Charles Pooter V, author of The Diary of a Nobody in the 21st Century

Diary of a Nobody  21st Century

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Tell us about your book.

My book is a Diary. My great great grandfather wrote a modest volume entitled “The Diary of a Nobody“. It had its flaws, as I’m sure he would be the first to admit, but it had the virtue of being an honest, unpretentious record of his life. As such, it contained many fascinating insights, and some small moments of amusement. By all accounts, he was a funny man, but unfortunately his humour does not shine through the pages quite as strongly as one might have wished.

I decided to write my own Diary, in honour of my predecessor and perhaps to establish a “family tradition” (though I doubt whether Lupin, my son, will wish to continue it: he shows little in the way of literary ambition). My Diary is a simple account of my daily doings, and – as I frequently remark to my Twitter followers (946) – it is an antidote to the normal guff written by “celebrities”. You know the kind of people: famous for fifteen seconds for increasing their breast size, taking drugs and meeting Kevin Spacey on Clapham Common. Irritating.

It is, I like to think, a lively and easy read (unlike so many “masterpieces” which – quite frankly – I find impenetrable) and it has been competently illustrated by my good friend Cummings. He made quite a good fist of it, given that he is a complete amateur with no experience whatsoever.

What genre is it?

I imagine your readers will be sharp enough to guess from the title. It is called “The Diary of a Nobody in the 21st Century”. Hence, a romantic novel. No – just my joke. It is actually a diary.

What kind of readers will it appeal to?

I think that my diary will appeal to those who, like myself, are thoroughly fed up with celebrity “culture”. Those who have no wish to purchase the third volume of Mr. Wayne Rooney’s so-called “autobiography”. He is barely 12 years old. Ridiculous.

My diary will appeal to people of sound good sense who appreciate the satisfaction that there is to be found in the everyday. There is much of value in my diary, I believe, relating to all kinds of topics. For example – friendship (Gowing and Cummings are stalwarts: I frequently play Connect 4 with the former). Also, marriage: readers may well find my experiences as a husband useful when they consider their own matrimonial affairs. Children: I would be the first to admit that Lupin has been something of a handful, but over the pages of my diary, I think it becomes clear that with proper guidance, from wise parents, all will come good. Mind you, Lupin works for a hedge fund now, and I think that is somewhat dubious. Pooters have always worked in the city, but hedge funds, to my mind, are less than reputable.

There are other aspects to the diary which I imagine readers will find very rewarding. I occupy a rather more senior position at work than my grandfather ever did, and the view from middle management level is one which will be a revelation to those less elevated than I, I feel.

Other than that – well, that would be to tell the whole story, so I leave it to your readers to decide. In brief, I think my diary will appeal to sound, sensible folk, with a strong sense of morals and responsibility, and a dignified and dutiful approach to life. This is how it should be, to my mind.

How long did it take to write?

The diary covers 18 months. 18 months which were, in many respects, very exciting.

What was the most challenging part of your creative process?

It was not a particularly “creative process”. I simply wrote what I saw and felt and did on most days. I think the well-turned phrase is sometimes over-rated. Good, simple English is my watchword, and I have been diligent (I feel) in sticking to it.

One doesn’t want to seem arrogant or “cocky” in a diary, and I think one of the challenges for me was writing about achievements in a way which would not make me seem so. For example, at one point I had a significant pay rise in recognition of my sterling work at the company over many years, and I found it hard to write about it in modest terms, because I was deeply proud of the service that I had done and the firm’s acknowledgement of it. So, reflecting upon things (and I often reflect on things – I am that sort of person), I think this was quite a challenge. In the end, I was pleased with myself for managing to write about various moments (when I had handled professional or personal matters very adroitly) without seeming like I was “blowing my own trumpet”.

Also, at one point (I don’t remember the exact details now) I expressed something particularly well. I got round this by recording Carrie’s compliment to me (“Charles, you are quite the philosopher”). It was a neat way of handling it, I feel.

Tell us a bit about yourself.

I work in the city, in a responsible middle management position. I’m very happily married to Carrie, who is everything a good wife should be and more besides (although she did go off and buy an incredibly expensive Memory Foam mattress without consulting me, which was wrong of her. However, it is very comfortable, so I have forgiven her – although not without having had words first).

My son Lupin is a bit of a live wire, but – according to Murray Posh (who set up lowpriceposh.com – the designer seconds internet thing) – he is very talented. This is a great comfort. At the time of writing the diary, he’d not fully found his feet. Since then, things seem to have worked out, and my twitter followers will be fairly well abreast of his doings, although he’s not around as much as he was.

I have some excellent friends – Gowing and Cummings in particular – and we’re quite sociable. Bar a few misunderstandings (I made a joke about their names one night, and neither of them were remotely amused, although Carrie and I had to hoot at it, it was so funny) we rub along famously. Gowing in particular – he and I frequently sit around and “shoot the breeze” (an American expression: I don’t often approve of American expressions, but this is one that I rather like).

We live in a nice house (part of a new Portland Properties development – it’s one of only two “Gleneagles” configurations, and hence quite exclusive) and we lead a very ordered existence. Order, to my mind, is very important.

Carrie and I like to have a Chinese takeaway occasionally.

Have you got a blog where readers can keep up with your work?

No, but I am quite a prolific “tweeter”. I imagine this comes as a surprise to many, but I think to myself that had twitter been available in his day, my great great grandfather would have been a keen exponent of the tweet. It seems perfectly suited to ruminations, quick observations on contemporary mores and culture (etc.) and moments of humour. I have no doubt that it has helped me to develop a stronger wit than I ever had before.

I particularly enjoy playing hash tag games (I tend to do these on the train going home) and quite regularly I am “re-tweeted” (this is when a tweet which I have written is further circulated by a follower who takes a fancy to something you have said). On one occasion over 70 people re-tweeted something of mine. I can remember it now. The hash tag was #addoneletterfilms. I came up with “Apocalypse Nowt” and then put in brackets, “A Yorkshireman goes out to Vietnam expecting that something incredible will happen, and it doesn’t”. Very amusing.

If anyone is interested, they can follow me on @charlespooter. Ours is quite a happy band of folk, with lots of good-natured chat. I’m sure you’ll be welcomed by one and all.

Where can people buy your book?

It is available from the Kindle thing, and as from 18th February, it will be available in paperback form. I cannot tell you how exciting this is for me. It has taken a long time to get it ready, and I have to confess to some nervousness because I have to sell some hundreds of copies to ensure that the money which I paid to Mr.Nicholas’s designer friend (the Russian) to lay it out is fully recouped. However, as you may imagine, I am one who will take a small risk, and sales of the diary on Kindle (which sometimes exceed two per day) have persuaded me to press ahead. I think it will also be possible to order the book through local bookshops, which I urge people to do if they can.

What’s next?

I am, by nature, a fairly cautious man (the risk that I mention above is carefully calculated) so at this point it is hard to say what comes next. People have asked me to write another instalment of my diary, and I’m persuaded that it might be a good idea.

On the other hand, because I feel that I have much to say that is of interest on a variety of topics, I might choose instead to write a work which deals with these topics one by one. I might, for example, write down some thoughts on “sport” or “celebrity” or “politics”. I think that you get the idea. People would probably find this very digestible, and the views of one such as I might be refreshing. Have we not had enough of “columnists” in expensive papers who seem to spend all their time complaining about having run out of Farrow and Ball emulsion because the wife didn’t get to Homebase in time after her reiki healing class and so on? I think so, and I am sure I am not alone in thinking this.

You ask where you can contact me: e-mail charles@charlespooter.com or just get in touch with me via @charlespooter. I extend this invitation not only to those of you who run this site, but also to any members of the public who would like to get in touch with me. I always endeavour to reply personally.

I do have a website, but it is very out of date, and I need to attend to it. It even talks about free copies of the manuscript of “The Diary of A Nobody in the 21st Century”, which I’m afraid I have stopped distributing long since (it was too expensive to send it out, and Derek from Prontaprint got rather shirty with me over a problem with the binding, so I gave it up).

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Enjoyed this interview? Then check out our conversation with John Gradwell, author of Funnybone.

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